


A Drawer Full of Gloves

by whitedandelions



Category: The Haunting of Hill House (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Post-Canon, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-23 19:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17086637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitedandelions/pseuds/whitedandelions
Summary: The gloves are left on the side of the trashcan and Theo learns it’s okay to feel.





	A Drawer Full of Gloves

**Author's Note:**

  * For [st_aurafina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/st_aurafina/gifts).



After everything that’s happened, Theo thinks the last thing she wants to do is _feel_.

But she does.  She wants it more than anything.  She buries her bare hands into Trisha’s hair, and _feels_.  Trisha’s the only one she touches without her gloves; she knows her wife’s feelings more than anyone else, and she loses herself in it.  The wealth of information she gets from just touching Trisha sometimes overwhelms her, but then she thinks about what happened in the past, when she couldn’t feel anything at all after touching Nellie, and she embraces it.

Trisha knows now about everything.  Theo knows the dangers of keeping secrets, so one day, when they’re lying in bed with the moonlight shining in, she tells Trisha everything.  It doesn’t seem scary anymore, not with Trisha’s eyes gentle and loving as she stares back at her and admitting her ability to sense stuff is easy.  Trisha doesn’t doubt her for a second and isn’t scared to touch her.  She pulls Theo closer that night, and kisses her, and asks, “Do you know what I’m feeling now?”

And all Theo feels is love, and she drowns in it.

In the face of that, in feeling wrapped in Trisha’s love for her, she thinks she doesn’t need the gloves anymore.  She’s felt nothing, felt it so intimately after Nellie’s death, that she doesn’t ever want to lose her ability to feel ever again.

She knows Steven has a theory about her ability, knows that he doesn’t believe it came from holding a ghost’s hand when she was younger.  He doesn’t believe much about anyone, and it grates on Theo sometimes, but it isn’t as if she has to see him much so she forgets about it.  He thinks that it’s because she has so many walls up and doesn’t feel _normally_ and it manifests itself in her ability to see through touch.

But she doesn’t believe him, even despite his conviction.  Because her walls are already broken down.  She’s seen what happens when someone pulls away, when they have no one else by their side but themselves.  She’s seen the consequences of not feeling, or feeling too much, and she misses Nellie each and every day. 

She has a drawer set aside for her gloves.  There’s so many of them, of varying colors and designs, and she loves them.  She remembers how each and every one saved her more than once, when she had to shake hands or when she had to accidentally brush against a cashier’s hand while getting change.  She has ones set aside for seeing her family, ones set for clubbing, others for work.  It’s a collection born from so many years, and it’s a collection that saved her more than once.

Trisha wraps her arms around her from the back, and then places her chin on her shoulder.  She doesn’t say anything, but Theo lets loose a shaky breath.  Slowly, she removes the gloves she has on, and then interlocks her bare hand with Trisha’s.  She’s used to touching Trisha without gloves now, so she only flinches a little bit as the images assault her.  And then she’s back, and Trisha’s pure and unwavering love wraps around her just like her arms.

It feels significant.  Theo knows she should be proud of herself for coming this far.  For letting someone into her walls, for giving Trisha the chance to understand her, but it’s –

It’s not enough.  She wants to do more.  No, she has to.  For Nellie.

* * *

When she sees Shirley next, it’s for dinner at their house.

She held Trisha’s bare hand the whole way there, and when Shirley gets up to hug her, Theo holds out her hand. 

After that incident on the side of the road, Shirley knows.  So when she freezes and looks down at Theo’s hand, she understands.

“Are you sure?” she asks, and Theo nods. 

Slowly, she brings her hand up and shakes it, and Theo doesn’t regret learning everything, not when after, Trisha is smiling at her with pride shining in her eyes.

* * *

It’s the day she’s moving out of Shirley’s guest house.

They’ve found a cozy apartment down the street, and it’s not far from Shirley and Theo’s grateful Trisha understands her need to stay close.  Shirley’s patched up things with Kevin, so she doesn’t need Theo anymore, and Theo knows she doesn’t need Shirley close anymore either.

They’ve grown up, and they don’t depend on each other anymore, and it’s better this way.  She still wants to stay close to her big sister, though, and Trisha thankfully doesn’t mind.

They’re about to leave when she pauses.  There’s a trashcan in the middle of the room and it feels symbolic somehow.  She’s starting a new chapter with Trisha, and the trashcan holds everything she no longer needs. 

She looks down at her hands, and they’re still gloved.  She’s been getting better, been wearing them out a lot less, but they’re still a safety blanket.  She wears them unconsciously now, a part of her morning routine she hasn’t gotten rid of yet.  But she doesn’t need them anymore.

She leaves them with the other things she no longer needs, on the side of the trashcan.

Trisha smiles at her when they leave, and the sunlight makes her look ethereal.  Theo’s not sure how she got to be this lucky, but she’s not complaining.

* * *

 

People notice.  She sees it in the way their eyes flit down to her hands and when they stare unconsciously.  She thinks she’ll mind. 

She finds she doesn’t.

The first time her gym receptionist notices, his mouth drops open.  They’re not friends, but Adam had been the one to waive the fingerprint scanning needed to enter the gym.  He’s kind, and he knows about Theo’s aversion to touch, and Theo likes him.  When she leaves, she holds out her hand for him to shake, and he takes it with a smile.  She likes him better after that, after learning of his past through touch, and thinks they can be friends.

After living her whole life without touching anyone, it feels strange to suddenly be so exposed.

She goes home that day and opens the drawer of gloves.  She couldn’t throw them out, even if she threw out that pair on their moving day, and she had set aside a drawer as soon as they got home.  She’s lived her whole life with that drawer after all.

But she doesn’t take one out.  She almost does, almost undoes everything, but she shakes her head and closes the drawer.  She goes to make dinner, and when Trisha gets home, they eat at their make-shift dining table of cardboard boxes, holding hands.


End file.
